Today's Track : Sandra - Secret Land
...nobody knows who I am, maybe you would understand...

Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year everyone!

Today's Track : Radiohead - Fake Plastic Trees

Friday at work I found out that my company benefits covers massages up to $500 a year. Boy did that make me one happy little camper. Free stuff always makes me a happy litle camper. I swear if they gave away free anal itch in a bottle, I'd be the first one in line. (Then I'd put some in your drink.)

So I asked around the office to see if anyone had taken advantage of this benefit and whether they could recommend someone to me. My coworker recommended this Russian lady that apparently is really good. I don't know about you but when I think about Russian women, I either think-- a) She's a hot babe like Anna Kournikova; b) a flexible gymnast like Svetlana Boganskaya; or c) a manly lesbian woman with large hands like Martina Navratilova. I'm guessing Tolstoy's book Anna Karenina was either about a hot Russian babe who was really flexible in bed or about a big manly Russian woman who had a stutter. But I digress. (If digression was a big white glove, you'd be slapped silly every time you read this blog.)

Anyhow, I call up this lady during my lunch break.

Me - "Hi can I speak to Miss Tiiu Petrova please?"
Man on the phone in a big burly voice - "This is Tiiu, how can I help you?"
Me - *silence*
Tiiu - "Hello?"
Me - "Um...a coworker of mine recommended you for a massage. Do you have any open appointments for next week?"
Tiiu - "How does Tuesday 7:15pm sound?"
Me - "Ok."
Tiiu - "What's your name?"
Me - "Khiem Le"
Tiiu - "Ok Khiem, we'll see you on Tuesday."
Me - "ok Tiiu. *click*"

So I walk over to my coworker's desk who recommended the masseuse to me.

"I guess you forgot to mention to me that this lady is a big manly lady who's going to break every bone in my body huh?".

My coworker replies, "Well she is quite large and she's got pretty strong hands which is why she's so good at massages!"

"Great, just great. Thanks Julie :@"

So now I have a massage appointment with a very large, manly Russian lady on Tuesday. I'm suddenly reminded of that Mad TV skit where the black guy goes to the massage parlour and is greeted by Jim Carrey dressed up as an ugly white lady in a two piece bikini.

Why god? Why have you forsaken me???

Today's Track : The Smiths - The Boy With a Thorn In His Side

Christmas is almost here and you know good spirits are in the air. The whole mood of the season is highly contagious. I wish the entire year was like this. Those scientists need to find a way to package up holiday cheer and good will towards your fellow man in a contagious virus like ebola. Without the bleeding orifices of course. Though the thought of people happily bleeding from their eyes would be quite surreal.

You know as a child, Christmas is a totally different experience than that of an adult. I think the one thing I miss most about the childhood experience is writing letters to Santa Clause and asking him for toys because I was such a good boy all year. Then waking up on Christmas morning and realizing that Santa Claus couldn’t read my writing and mistook “Optimus Prime” for “ugly winter jacket”. I suppose now that I’m older my writing has become a little more readable and concise. I think my letter would go something like this…

Dear Santa,

I’ve been a good man this year. I haven’t been thrown in jail, yet. I’ve drank in moderation the entire year except for my birthday but who doesn’t drink in excess on their birthday? I’m sure you knocked down quite a few egg nogs on your birthday. I’ve been good to my fellow man. The other day I helped my obese friend out by asking her if she’s pregnant. She doesn’t know it now but she’ll thank me later! Her boyfriend has already thanked me.

This year I don’t want too much but here’s a short list of items that I absolutely need…

1. A new computer. My current computer is as slow as mole asses and it keeps freezing up on me when I surf for porn.


2. A digital camera with video mode. My girlfriend and I are planning to make some home videos and take some “holiday” pictures.


3. A new snowboard because my current snowboard keeps injuring me.


4. Shoes. You can never have enough shoes.


5. The Optimus Prime that you never brought me as a kid.

I know you’ve got a lot of orders to fill this year but hopefully you’ll put mine on the top of your list because my family sure as hella won’t. By the way, “hella” is the new hip word for the young generation. It isn’t at all related “hell” which as you know is one hella bad word!

Oh…careful coming down the chimney this year. I think my dad is storing my pool cue there.

Say hi to foxy Mrs.Claus for me.

Sincerely,
Khiem

Today's Track : Veruca Salt - Volcano Girls

quote of the week...

To be honest, i don't have those kinds of hopes. I kind of Serendipity my way through these things....

...reminds me of the island of Serendip and the one eyed mule who only ate grass on the left side of the road...
...

MSN perVersion 6.0

Mashi-Melo says:
so are you at home now or are you still at work with the cool break-room-goodies?
Atrayu says:
I'm at home
Atrayu says:
I took the day off to study and run some errands
Mashi-Melo says:
I see. Study? I thought you already did your exam? How'd that go anyway?
Atrayu says:
I postponed it til next week
Mashi-Melo says:
*tsk tsk* what's with that?
Atrayu says:
I'm the world's greatest procrastinator
Mashi-Melo says:
tough spot you're vying for--you're in competition with the likes of ME...
Mashi-Melo says:
I am STILL in my PJs!!!
Atrayu says:
you've got nothing on me...in fact...I've got nothing on me!
Atrayu says:
I'm naked
Mashi-Melo says:
no, I'M naked
Atrayu says:
but then again that has nothing to do with procrastinating
Mashi-Melo says:
hehehe
Mashi-Melo says:
no, no it doesn't, but it's just as fun
Atrayu says:
I'm always naked when I talk to you
Mashi-Melo says:
I'm touched
Atrayu says:
so am I
Mashi-Melo says:
LoL!!

Today's Track : Counting Crows - Long December

A long December
And there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last.

Every 3 years I go on this walk through the woods and I find a pretty little nymph who offers me cotton candy and popcorn. I gracefully accept knowing full well that the cotton candy and the popcorn are going to rot my teeth. Each time I think the nymph looks prettier and is more benevolent than the last. Each time I’m horribly wrong and I find myself waking up to a cackling witch who passes me my nasty dentures. Hopefully this time I’ll wake up with my teeth intact and nymph panties and bra lying on the floor.

(somehow, somewhere I think this whole analogy violates nymph laws...)

Today's Track : Coldplay - Don't Panic

MSN idle chatter

Tracy – “Isn’t that the guy from neverending story?”
Atrayu – “Yup, you’re right. One of the best movies of all-time!”
Tracy – “I know!! I loved that movie! I had a crush on Atrayu. He was sooo cute!”
Atrayu – “Why thank you!”
Tracy – “And I loved the theme song!!”
Tracy – “Neverending storyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy”
Atrayu – “That would be it!”
Tracy – “oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh”
Atrayu – “hahaha”
Tracy – “Neverending storyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy”
Atrayu – “hahaha”

Today's Track : Sarah McLaughlin - Fallen

We all begin out with good intent
When love is raw and young
We believe that we can change ourselves
The past can be undone
But we carry on our back the burdens time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I've held so dear

...
You know I really hate small talk. You know the kind where you're at a party enjoying a few veggie sticks at the snack table and you bump into someone you haven't seem in awhile.

"Hey, how's it going? Long time no see!"
"You too! What are you up to these days?"
"Oh not much, just slaving away at work. How's life going with you? Your parents doing ok?"
"Life is pretty good actually and the parents are doing just fine! How's life with you?"

But really all I want to say to people like this is, "Shut the fuck up and let me enjoy my damn carrot stick in peace. There's a reason I haven't seen you in a long time! Neo calls it CHOICE." Really, it doesn't get much worse than small talk. Both parties know full well that they're not the closest of friends and yet they torture themselves by attempting to be cordial. If you're ever standing around at a party and you spot someone you haven't seen in a long time and don't want to see. Keep an eye on that person. If they get within 10 feet of you, you need to get yourself out of there and lickity split!

That's the one good thing about sitting here at home in front of the computer. You don't have to talk to anyone you don't want to. If someone emails you out of the blue that you really don't care to hear from, just hit DELETE! If you ever run into that person and they ask you about it, you can alway use the excuse "Sorry I didn't get your email. My junkmail filter must have deleted it." This is what they were raving about back in the early 90s when everyone was so excited about the internet and email. The choice to ignore people.

Seriously people, stop it with the small talk. If you really are forced to talk to someone, make it interesting. Gossip about fat ex-girlfriends or how old acquaintances now sell used cars for a living. Don't ask people about how their lives are going or about their job. (Unless of course you're talking to an old crush who just had breast augmentation.)

I think years from now when our species' communication has evolved beyond audible words and we can telepathically communicate -- we'll still be thinking small talk. And the only small talk you'll ever get from my brain are a few choice 4-letter words.

Today's Track : The Cure - Friday I'm In Love

I love Friday. You suck Monday!

Jessica Alba in Honey on Friday Dec. 5th...another reason why I love Fridays.

Today's Track : The Cure - There Is No If

You know when the moon is full supposedly some people turn into werewolves? I think when it rains or snows some drivers become morons. Yesterday morning I saw a car go around a turn too fast and slide onto someone’s lawn, taking out two small trees in the process. Luckily there were no pedestrians walking by.

I found out yesterday that eating too much sushi can be bad for your liver because of the toxins in sushi. Toxins? I thought sushi was super healthy! So much for my sushi diet. After this weekend’s all-you-can-eat-to-the-death sushi birthday dinner for Lindy, I’m going to eat sushi in moderation. Those Japanese people aren’t too fond of their liver huh? They drink in excess and they eat sushi. Their diet is like one big fuck you to the liver.

Speaking of the Japanese – Tom Cruise has a new movie coming out called the Last Samurai. Tell me the Japanese aren’t pissed off about this movie. First the Americans nuke their country and now they claim to be the last samurais? Those crazy Americans are just pissing everyone off these days. And to think the Japanese have done nothing but been the best of friends to the Americans in recent years. Remember Mr.Miyagi? He didn’t have to help Daniel-san with that crane kick. But he did. Damn those ungrateful, arrogant, insolent Americans!

Ending on a brighter note, it’s American Thanksgiving and I’m very thankful for one thing – Thursday night football!! Go Dolphins go!!

Today's Track : Saint Etienne - I Was Born on Christmas Day

Coupland...the man cracks me up... --> McJob

Speaking of which, I better get back to studying so I can leave my McJob and get a real one.

Today's Track : Tori Amos - Lovesong (live)

5 Reasons Why I Suspect Christmas is Coming Early This Year

1. Last night while watching WWF Raw, a girl’s nipple inadvertently popped out of her wrestling outfit after she got tossed off the wrestling canvas.


2. Wanda, my little SHIT (Super Hero In Training) aka Sidekick Sonia, bought me Murakami’s Norwegian Wood on her most recent book shopping spree.


3. I’ve already got 2 snowboarding trips to Mt Tremblant booked in the next 2 months.


4. My parents haven’t yet killed, given away, cooked or eaten my insolent dog.


5. I’m no longer longing for things that were only a mirage of happiness.

Tis the season for clementines, egg nog and Toblerones. I don’t know how these two food items got associated with Christmas but here are a few food items I want to see get associated with Christmas.

1. Chicken wings. If you’re planning to come to my house for Christmas make sure you bring some. Hot, suicide, jerk chicken, Cajun, honey garlic – I like them all. Don’t forget the veggie sticks you cheap bastard.


2. Slow roasted prime rib. I’m pretty sure I saw a slow roasted prime rib in the background of that Last Supper painting. Medium rare please.


3. Foie gras and veal. Just kidding. Leave that and your fur coat at home you insensitive, cruel, animal hating SOB!


4. Nachos (with a hint of Lime!) and salsa. You could probably use the nachos as tree ornaments.

Woohoo…Christmas is coming!

Today's Track : The Carpenters - Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get Me Down

This weekend was quite a somber one. Friday night I attended Sonia’s grandmother’s wake. To date, my 2nd wake/funeral and it never gets any easier. A few interesting things to note about the funeral and traditions :

1. Chinese/Vietnamese tradition is to burn fake money and paper gold/silver bars so that the dead have money in the after life. This perplexes me on the account that I’d imagine everything in the after life to be free. Except maybe movies. Movies are ridiculously priced everywhere.



2. The fake bank notes they burn have “Hell” on them. I made some inquiries as to why they bought the currency for Hell. Apparently, when we die there is no Heaven and Hell. There is no good or bad place. We all go to the same place except this place has different levels. This doesn’t really answer the original question but this all but confirms my belief that we’re all going to Hell. I’m stocking up on marshmallows, chocolate and graham crackers after work today.



3. The funeral home address was 665 Spadina. Right across from 666 Spadina. This has nothing to do with tradition but I just thought it was an eerie coincidence. Maybe that’s where they bought the Hell bank notes.



4. When you arrive at a wake you’re asked to burn some incense and bow for the deceased person. Knowing full well that Asian people are very superstitious about numbers, I knew there was a certain number of bows I had to do. My dilemma was that I couldn’t remember whether 3 or 4 was the unlucky number of death. So I bowed twice to be safe. The next day I found out I was suppose to bow 3 times. 4 is the unlucky number of death.

Oddly enough, after the wake I attended a birthday party (cue Elton John’s “Circle of Life”.) It made me wonder whether it’s more important to celebrate the beginning of life -- a birthday, or the inevitable end of life -- a wake/funeral. Then I finally realized it wasn’t a celebration or a mourning of someone’s death that I had attended prior to the birthday. It was actually a celebration of the person and the great life they lived. The funeral the next day wasn’t as somber.

Today's Track : Cranberries - Twenty One

I would rather erase a bittersweet memory than have it haunt me the rest of my life.

Maybe that’s why I’m so forgetful.

(It’s the bittersweet symphony called life.)

Today’s Track : The Strokes – What Ever Happened

Wanda sent me this this morning...here’s for all the scrabble enthusiasts…

Hollywood is developing two movies featuring Scrabble, reports The Independent on Sunday. One film, to be directed by Curtis Hanson (8 Mile and L.A. Confidential) will be based on the cult novel Word Freak. The other, to be produced by Miramax, is a love story about a couple who fall in love at the World Scrabble Championship.

I’ve just added that to my list of things to do before I die. Playing in the World Scrabble Championships is right after playing in the World Series of Poker! If anyone ever wants to play a game of scrabble or poker, you know where to find me :P

On a disturbing and unrelated note, I found a dead worm/caterpillar in a strawberry yesterday. It’s a good thing I chop my strawberries in half before I actually eat them. I’d highly recommend everyone else to do the same.

Today’s Track : The Strokes – Under Control

I don’t want to change your mind
I don’t want to change the world
I just want to watch it go by
I just want to watch you go by
We were young darling, we don’t have no control
We’re out of control

Today’s Word : solipsism \SOH-lip-sih-zum\ noun
: a theory holding that the self can know nothing but its
own modifications and that the self is the only existent thing

Today’s Books : Oryx and Crake – Margaret Atwood, Hey Nostradamus! – Douglas Coupland, The Well of Lost Plots – Jasper Fforde.

Today’s Blurb :

Douglas Coupland has been one of my favourite authors for some time now. I was first introduced to his works through a well-read friend and ever since then I’ve been fascinated with his writing style. I think I’d describe his stories and characters as having an envious humble worldliness. On Tuesday, I went to see Douglas Coupland read at the Harbour Front Theatre with Wanda. From his first few words you could tell he wasn’t an ordinary person. Dressed in an Agent Smith-like suit with Agent Smith-like hair (I wonder if he’s a Matrix fan) – you could tell from his first words that he was an eccentric. What was interesting was the fact that he read bits and pieces from his book but had organized it in such a way that all the separate pieces from the book flowed smoothly from one narration to the other. Random yet structured!!! I was quite surprised at his eccentric personality because his books seem so completely down to Earth. Regardless, I left that reading with more respect for Douglas. I also walked away with three autographed books. If you’ve got the time and inclination to discover a new author, these are three of my favourite Douglas Coupland books: Generation X; Girlfriend in a Coma; and Microserfs.

The Adventures of Cleaky Squean the Dyslexic Janitor

Book 1 – The Grinions of Mime Strike

As Cleaky returned to his office at Streetsville Secondary after a much needed summer vacation he noticed a strong stench resonating from his office (aka the school basement). Without the presence of Cleaky and his trusty can of comet, the grime minions had threatened to take over his office. It was the first aggressive move from the germs since Cleaky drove them away in the Pine Fresh battle of ‘99. Dormant for 4 years, the grime slowly built up their armies and waited for Cleaky to take his vacation to strike. To Cleaky’s credit he was forced to use his vacation days because of new management and their insistence on mandatory vacations. It would serve them right if Cleaky turned around and walked away but Cleaky loved the school.

Back in 1966, in a janitor’s closet on the west wing of the school, a little sperm with unbridled enthusiasm made its way up the tallopian fubes of a young school girl and made first contact with one immaculate ovum. Nine months later Jacob Clean and Jessica Van Blackberry had a son. After 24 hrs of labour Jessica was able to push the young infant out. As if scripted by a director in a low-budget film, the child was born without any blood or uterus guck on him whatsoever. The doctors remarked that this was quite possibly the cleanest baby they had ever seen. And with the reckless abandon naming conventions of immigrant parents, Jacob and Jessica named their son Squeaky.

That same day the hospital assigned a temp administrative assistant to handle the birth certificates and paperwork for newborns. Instead of entering Squeaky Clean on the child’s birth certificate, she had put down Cleaky Squean. After correcting the mistake and getting an apology from the hospital, Jessica and Jacob went home with their son. Jessica and Jacob got married soon after the birth of Squeaky and both decided to find jobs after high school to provide for their son. Jacob found a job as a janitor at the same school and Jessica found a job as a waitress at Smokey Joe’s Café.

Years down the road when Squeaky started school, in a terrible twist of irony – Squeaky was diagnosed with dyslexia after teachers started noticing Squeaky switching and swapping letters in his writing. He was especially bad with his name and other people’s names. On several occasions Squeaky was sent to the principle’s office for calling Stussy Pink, a female classmate, by the wrong name. It was only after they diagnosed him with dyslexia and informed his teachers, that Squeaky was pardoned for his supposed foul mouth. The kids however were not so kind and would call him Cleaky Squean for years to come.

(To Be Continued…)

Lost 80's Lunch Track : New Order - Bizarre Love Triangle

"If you do not find a remedy to these evils, it is a vain thing to boast of your severity in punishing theft, which though it may have the appearance of justice, yet in itself is neither just nor convenient. For if you suffer your people to be ill educated, and their manners to be corrupted from their infancy, and then punish them for those crimes to which their first education disposed them, what else is to be concluded from this, but that you first make thieves and then punish them?"

Utopia - Sir Thomas More

Today's Track : Depeche Mode - Enjoy the Silence

The girl with the scrabble board tattooed on her back told me, "words are very unnecessary". An irony that I have yet to comprehend.

Today's Track : Radiohead - Fake Plastic Trees

You know what I hate? I hate people who are judgmental. Just take a look at the word judgmental -- judge + mental = judgmental. People who judge are mental! I also hate people who make lame word jokes but I digress. You talk to these people and you can tell by the way they’re responding (or not responding) that they’re totally passing judgment over you. It was like back in the 70s when kids started listening to rock music and parents were all like, “No you’re not listening to Rock’n’Roll, it’s the devil’s music!” Or like when you go to the grocery store and you’re buying toilet paper and you’re too cheap to get 2-ply and the cashier looks at you like, “You’re going to wipe your ass with that?” I say who the hell are you to tell me how I should be living my life, what music I listen to and what kind of toilet paper I should be wiping my ass with! Maybe the 1-ply toilet paper is for my dog! Have you ever thought about that? Have you? I didn’t think so.

We judge others to try and make up for the insecurities we have about other parts of our lives. The whole holier-than-thou attitude is totally QFD (quelle fuckin drag). I think we all need to take a step back and try and evaluate ourselves as isolated individuals. Have we accomplished the goals we’ve set out to accomplish? Were our goals realistic? Can we still accomplish our goals? Are we happy with where we are in our lives? I think when you stop comparing yourself to your well-off buddies, you’ll find that you’re actually happier than you really thought you were.

Today's Track : Outkast - Hey Ya

(Don’t try to fight the feeling because the thought alone is killing me right now.)

My life is mainly oysters and very few pearls but the few pearls that I've got...goddamn they're shiny and pretty!

Tonight's Track : The Strokes - Room on Fire

The Strokes should have named that song "Poon on Fire"...because any girl who hears it would surely get all hot down in the poon area...like it was on fire...

Julian Casablancas was so high/drunk tonight, he was barely coherent when he spoke to the crowd. Amazingly though, he sang every song exactly how I expected them to sound. I think towards the night he was sobering up because I could actually make out his sentences. The Strokes rocked the Hershey Centre tonight and Wanda and I were there to witness it.

Random Info On the Strokes : Julian Casablancas is the son of the founder of Elite modeling.

Random Info On Wanda : She's afraid of clowns. I believe they call it coulrophobia.

Random Info On Shaky : I've got authentic Japanese ninja stars and I'm not afraid to use them.

Sleepy time...bon soir...

Today's Track : The Strokes - Someday

The 10 things I learned from my weekend trip to Montreal…

1) If there was a city that spawned all bad drivers, this would be it.
2) The local extreme sport is J-walking. There is nothing more fun than trying to dodge oncoming traffic. All recognized agreements between driver and pedestrian are void here.
3) The French language really does sound cool, even when spoken by not-so-cool people.
4) The fish like me in Montreal. I could throw a dirty sock onto a fishing hook and still catch fish.
5) Families with language barriers can bridge the gap with food.
6) Old Montreal is beautiful at night.
7) Wanda loves the environment and keeps me aware at how horrible we as humans are at keeping our environment clean.
8) 4 kids is 2 kids too many to deal with as a parent.
9) Walking aimlessly can be fun if you’ve got someone to walk with.
10) All vacations are too short.
...
Going to see the Strokes in concert tonight. Rock on!

Today’s Track : Smashing Pumpkins - Today

OMG…Wanda is too cool for rules!! (that saying is coming back into style…you heard it here first) She just bought us tickets for a reading with Douglas Coupland at the Premiere Dance Theatre on Oct. 28th. This may be one of the best presents I’ve ever gotten. Thanks Wanda!

This is going to be a good week.

Last night the colts covered the spread after being down 21 pts with 5 minutes left in the game. Unf*ckin believable I tell you. 3 touchdowns, 1 recovered onside kick, and they kicked a fg in overtime that bounced off a lineman, the right upright, and through for the 3 pt win!

Today I’m going to get my 20 gig MAC iPod. This portable mp3 player can hold over 50 000 songs!! We’re talking about unadulterated musical fun!!

Thursday is going to be great weather and I’ve got a tennis match booked.

Friday I’m headed to Montreal with Wanda. A girl who rocks the free world like no other. We’re going to check out some museums, have some nice dinners in the Montreal suburbs, and visit some friends.

What did I do to deserve all this?

Today's Track : Aha - Take On Me

Here’s something I read that was interesting…

"Randomness is a useful shorthand for describing a pattern that’s bigger than anything we can hold in our minds. Letting go of randomness is one of the hardest decisions a person can make."

Which I suppose is the same as saying that having faith in something that’s unknown is the hardest decision a person can make. For some of us that might be religion; it might be love; it could be certain events in our life that we’ve deemed to be signs of something greater than their mere face value. Whatever it is I find that we’re living in a time where a lot of our emphasis is placed on science and technology. As a species, randomness is something that we’ve tried to avoid for awhile. As a generation, from what I’ve seen in my friends, family and peers – we’re the generation without faith. Should that disturb us? I’m not quite sure if it should. What role does faith play in a meaningful life?

Today's Track : The Strokes - Is This It

Detoxing my body for the next 3 months...back at the gym...back on a nutritious diet of bananas, protein shakes, and lots of water...

First week of results :
Lots of bowel movements
Lots of clear pee
Lots of aching muscles
Count of wings eaten since start of program = 0
I hate this program.

Today's Track : Stone Temple Pilots - Interstate Lovesong

I was really busy pretending to be busy at work today. Everytime someone walked by my desk I made the "God, why can't I solve this problem" face. You know -- the one you make when you've been working on a really hard problem and you're on the verge of solving it. After awhile I realized I wasn't making enough typing noises to convey my false busy-ness. So I started replying to some old emails I haven't responded to. Then when a coworker walked by I'd put on my frustrated face and ALT-TAB'd to a script I already finished about a month ago. Occasionally I would mumble to myself, "arg...stupid microsoft". Once the customer service supervisor in the next cubicle looked over and said, "rough day huh?...me too."

I hate being inbetween projects. I hate beind idle. I hate being inbetween projects and idle. This tomfoolery has to stop. I have to get on another project soon.

In the afternoon I decided to take a little break and spark up some conversation with the ladies near my cubicle. I thought I'd joke around with them a bit.

Shaky - So are you guys going to vote tonight?
Suzanne - Yeah, I'm going to go right after work.
Shaky - Yeah, me too.
Karen - So who are you voting for?
Shaky - Well I really like what Mike Harris and the PC's did with our education system so I'm gonna vote for the conservatives.
Karen/Suzanne - *insolent looks*
Shaky - I kidd...I kidd!
Karen - You better be!
Shaky - Of course I am, Mike Harris and the PC's are the ones who killed our education system with their cutbacks. I know that!!
Suzanne - *irreverent look*
Shaky - Wow, tough crowd.

Actually I had a similar conversation with a few friends over some wings a few weeks ago. It went something like this...

Shaky - So who are you guys voting for next week?
Friend #1 - I'd probably vote Liberal.
Friend #2 - Really? I think I'm gonna vote Conservative. I really like what Mike Harris did with our education system.
Friend #1 - Oh...you mean completely destroy it?
Wanda - hahaha.
Shaky - hahaha...you gotta be kidding right?...with all his cutbacks...he's the cause of all the crowded classrooms and teachers going on strike!
Friend #2 - Oh really? I didn't know.

It was amusing and disturbing at the same time. Just goes to show that not many people pay attention to politics and how this country is ran. I'm in the same boat. I should pay attention a little more myself.

Anyhow...Liberals won the election tonight by a large margin. Time for some much needed change in this province.

Today's Track : Wild Strawberries - Heroin

Did anyone see Sydney's speech to Vaughn on Alias' premiere? After waking up without any recollection of her past 2 years she finds out that he didn't bother looking for her and he got married to another woman. She gave one of the most powerful speeches I've seen on tv drama since the days of agent Mulder and agent Scully. Rivoting stuff! I've missed the first two seasons of Alias; watched the premiere of what is now the 3rd season; and now I'm hooked. Wow, I haven't been this excited about tv drama since Beverly 90210 (stop kidding youself, you know you loved that show too).

In other news, last night I caught myself talking to myself aloud. I told myself to stop.

I'm also 3/4 of the way through Coupland's Microserfs. Another brilliantly written book. Too bad I missed his book signing in Waterloo last week :(

Today's Track : Sarah McLaughlin - Fallen

The Family Chronicles

My grandmother loves to exercise. She's like 90 yrs old and she still goes for a walk every morning. One morning her and my sister went for a walk and had a discourse of sorts. A discourse which was shared with me.

An - Grandmother is driving me crazy.

Shaky - How so?

An - She wakes me up every morning and makes me take a walk with her.

Shaky - It's good for you, you need the exercise.

An - That's what she said too. She said, "You're so weak An. Look how skinny you are. You need to eat more; you need to exercise more -- like me."

Shaky - So what's so bad about that?

An - She told me that I'm weak because I don't walk with vigor like her. She says I'm really slow and have to swing my arms enthusiastically to go faster.

Shaky - hahaha.

An - Do you realize that she walks at the pace of molasses.

Shaky - Yeah, but apparently if you add a bit of enthusiasm and vim into molasses, it's super fast.

An - Shut up. The other day she also said that I don't eat enough. I told her that I wasn't always hungry. She then told me the key to making yourself hungry. She started rubbing her belly like this (rubs her belly in a circular motion), and told me to do that every morning to get my appetite going.

Shaky - Shhhh...don't say that too loud. That's an old secret that's been in our family for ages.

An - Shut up. I swear to god she's driving me crazy.

Shaky - You know how old people are. Just nod and agree with her to make her happy.

An - I do!

Shaky - The other day I walked by her room and saw her lying in bed doing biking motions with her arms and legs in the air. I almost made the mistake of stopping to ask her what she was doing. You know I would have had to join her. She should make one of those exercise videotapes and sell them on tv late at night!

An - Yeah, I'm sure people would be lining up for those like hotcakes.

Shaky - Everyone and their grandma would have one! We could call it "Sweatin' With the Oldies".

An - That was Richard Simmons' video.

Shaky - No, no...that was "Sweatin' to the Oldies".

An - You're an idiot.

Shaky - No you are!

An - You are!

Shaky - You!

Today's Track : Liz Phair - Why Can't I

(In my attempts of not becoming linear, I have become perverse and random)

Today’s subconscious want ad...

Wanted – someone to replace me as junior database admin monkey for a week so I can go somewhere warm and lie in the sun.
…
So I’m commuting to work these days since my dad went back to work and I’m now car-less – which is totally TFD (tres f*ing drag). The one good thing is that I now have more time to read while waiting for the bus. As a new member of the commuting worker culture I had to endure some hazing this morning. Nothing wakes you up in the morning like a fresh whiff of BO from passing commuters. How do you even get BO so early in the morning? The day hasn’t even started and people are already sweating? I’d hate to see these people get really stressed out. They’d be like my dog -- leaving puddles everywhere they go.
…
After more than a year of blogging I have finally found the key to writing a good blog and I’m not telling any of you. Why? -- Because none of you have got the bollocks to pull it off.
…
Tim Horton’s ice cappuccinos give me diarrhea and McDonald’s Big Macs make my poops super solid (even more so than a triple thick milkshake). Hypothesis to be tested later : Big Mac + Ice Cappucino = normal/regular bowel movements.
...
"Here we are, we're at the beginning
We haven't fucked yet, but my head's spinning"

Random numbers...

• I once went to Dave and Busters...at the end of the night...the total number of points I won on their games was 666.


• My Executive Snooker Club membership is number 666.


• The first number offered to me for my cell phone number started with 666.


• The last time I defragged my C: drive on my computer I had 666 MB free space remaining.

...or maybe not

Today's Track : Sainte Etienne - I Was Born On Christmas Day

As a part of our own humanity, we need to place faith in something. We cannot simply exist as empty faithless shells. I put faith in the fact that I’m not living an image of black and white; a linear life; a transparent existence. I was born into a good life. I was never victimized as a child. My parents love me. I’ve been dealt a good hand. The issue is whether or not my good hand is squandered on an uncreative life, or whether I apply it to continuing an extraordinary voyage. I have faith in the fact that I'm the fabricator of my own dream.

Today's Track : New Order - Regret

If you choose not to make a choice you’ve essentially already made a choice. So if you can’t choose NOT to choose, then do you really have a choice of where your life is going? Yes you do. If you have a choice does that mean there’s no such thing as fate? No it doesn’t. It might not mean you’re destined to follow one path but it could mean that there are several paths that you might take in life. How many paths might we have? Estimate the number of life altering decisions you might have to make in a lifetime. Assume the simplistic scenario of having 3 choices of yes, no, and no choice. You’re looking at the number of life altering decisions to the factor of 3. That’s a lot of different outcomes for a single insignificant human being. Now think of making one bad choice in your life and how many possible outcomes you’ve already eliminated from your list of possible fates. In the case of 1 life altering decision with 3 choices -- one choice would eliminate 2/3 of your possible outcomes. Whether those are the good outcomes or the bad outcomes, no one will ever know.

(fate 1) (fate 2) (fate 3) (fate 4) (fate 5) (fate 6) (fate 7) (fate 8) (fate 9)

(1st choice) (2nd choice) (3rd choice)

(1st life-altering decision)

So what’s my point? My point is – as humans we have way too many choices to make and are not well-adapted enough to deal with the bad choices we make in life. That’s why we look back in anger; why we live vicariously through others; why we envy; and why we regret. If I could have one super power, it would be the ability to see all the possible outcomes of my life and the lives around me. You and I wouldn't have to be well-adapted. We'd be the master of our own fate.

Today's Track : Pet Shop Boys - You Were Always On My Mind

The lonely island of Pretentia has always been too wrapped up in itself to get involved with the war between Oceania and Eastasia. On Pretentia, 2 + 2 does not equal 5 but in fact, it equals 6.

Today's Track : Radiohead - Myxomatosis

Here are the 7 Jeopardy categories that define me…
1) Sports and more sports.
2) Reading and writing are fun.
3) The sound of music.
4) The passive aggressive war of 2002/2003.
5) A generation without faith.
6) I went through the comfort zone.
7) Two roads diverged in the woods and I got lost.

What are yours?

Today's Track : The Strokes - 12:10

Random thoughts and random events in a life hardly worth blogging about...

Ironic -- awhile back I went out and bought a book called Utopia by Sir Thomas More. Somehow I've misplaced it and now I'm looking all over for Utopia.

So now I've started reading Microserf's by Douglas Coupland. I must hand it to him...he sure has a way of capturing the Zeitgeist.

Going to see the Lion King on Thursday night. I have finally found someone to watch musicals with.

The Strokes are in concert next month at the Hershey Centre and being a day late with almost everything in my life -- I was trying my luck to get tickets today. I've managed to score...and score large. Check out their next release (today's track). Rock on.

unfocused memories, unchallenged explanations, an unravelling paradigm

Today's Track : Simply Red - Sunrise

So the international film festival is in town and everyone is trying to get a glimpse of all the stars from hollywood. I've managed to see two films with Wanda. Last Saturday I saw an artsy Japanese film called "Bright Future" and on Monday night I saw a vampire/werewolf action film called "Underworld". Both excellent movies for their perspective genres. To top it all off I even got a glimpse of Kate Beckinsale. The title eludes me but We're going to see a french movie this Saturday as the festival winds down.

Tangent alert!!

The hardest thing about breaking up isn't learning to live without someone who's been such a big part of your life for so long. It isn't trying to figure out what sort of relationship you can salvage with that person. It isn't about re-integrating yourself back into the single society and it isn't about rebuilding your self-esteem. It's about getting your goddamn stuff back. Damn it! I want my book back!!

My ex-gf still hasn't returned one of my favourite books -- "Girlfriend in a Coma" by Douglas coupland. It would be quite ironic if that same book fell off her bookshelf, hit her in the head, and put her into a coma. Too bad that will never happen since that book is a paperback. That's why you should always buy hardcover.

I shouldn't say that though. It would bring upon bad karma for me. I take it back.

Here's a great business idea -- someone start a repo service for relationships.

Today's Track : Don Mclean - Starry Starry Night

I don't know about you but I'm reaching into my pocket right now and seeing if I've got some spare change I could give to the US government to help fund their little oil project in Iraq. There's something to be said about a country that knows what it wants and sends billions and billions of dollars worth of greed and power to get it. I mean heck, forget the "support a starving child by donating $1 a day" campaign -- I'm starting up the "support a self-righteous, power hungry nation under the cover of democracy" campaign.

Time is never time at all
You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth
And our lives are forever changed
We will never be the same
The more you change , the less you feel
Believe , believe in me, believe , believe
That life can change , that you're not stuck in vain

The nights are becoming increasingly cool these days. A sign that the summer is slowly winding down. I'm looking back at how much I've accomplished in the last 3-4 months -- career-wise I'm on the right track; relationship-wise I've given everyone who's important in my life the time that they've warranted; and as a person I feel complete again. My self-esteem is not terribly low and it's not ridiculously high. I've done more thinking and maturing over the past several months than I've done in the past 6 years. Over the weekend, as Wanda and I walked around Streetsville in and out of used book and cd shops, I didn't feel as though I was fighting with time to hold onto something close to me. Life wasn't moving too quickly, it wasn't moving too slowly -- it was pacing itself with me. I can't help but think that this has something to do with that red planet that's peculiarly close to Earth this month. I don't read horoscopes and I don't particularly believe in the zodiac signs but Mars does corresponds with my zodiac sign (Aries). Even if this has nothing to do with Mars, I still feel closer than I've ever been to normalcy. Maybe this is where my story begins.

Today's Track : Smashing Pumpkins - Tonight, Tonight

Apparently the warehouse lady at my office thinks she runs the show in here. I called UPS to come pick-up some crap that had to be returned to Dell and she freaked on me cuz apparently we don't use UPS. Then I told her that Dell had prepaid the UPS shipment and she then got mad at me for not letting her know ahead of time. What on earth was I thinking? I should have ran everything by her insignificant self...

Stupid warehouse lady, little does she know after work I'm going to piss in her gas tank. When I'm done that I'm going to hop on her car hood and take a big shit on her windshield. Then I'm going to break into her car and turn on the windshield wipers. She's lucky I'm in a good mood because it's the labour day weekend.

Today's Track : Bob Marley - Buffalo Soldier

So there I was playing texas holdem at the Casino and for a brief moment and the first time it's happened to me, I got flustered at the table. Here's a little background info about holdem before I get into the story. In holdem there's two ante's or blinds as they call it. One is a small blind and one is a big blind. The big bind is whatever the starting bet is. The small blind is half the starting bet. In order to continue playing, you have to match the bet of the big blind (in poker lingo "calling" a bet). So I'm sitting there playing with 9 other people and this fat lady decides to sit down at our table to my right. As the dealer is moving the marker (determines who's the dealer and who's blind) to the next position, this fat lady turns to me and says, "Am I Blind?" Without thinking I turned to her and said, "Yes, you're big." For a brief moment I was quite embarrassed for the lady and myself. I swear the rest of the table was about to lose their poker faces as well. At least I didn't make the situation worse by correcting myself.

fat lady - "Am I blind?"
shaky - "Yes, you're big."
fat lady - "What did you just say?"
shaky - "You're big boned...I mean big blind!"
table - *looks at shaky*...*silence*
shaky - *looks at his pair of aces* "umm...I fold."

Needless to say the night didn't start off well and 8 hrs later I was in the red about $60.

today's track : Billy Idol - White Wedding

So there's a big virus going around and I think I've got it on my computer at home. Figures. Luckily for me I was planning on reformatting my computer anyhow. This big virus also has me running around the office here and making sure that everyone has installed the right patches and updated their anti-virus software. Damn viruses are wasting my time!! I gotta get myself disconnected from the matrix soon.

This week I've gone on a shopping spree of sorts. On Monday I purchased a brand new poker chip set on ebay. Yesterday I bought new glasses. I'm now a not-so-proud owner of Dolce and Gabana glasses. I have a cousin in Philadelphia that wears nothing but name brand designer clothes. His closet is full of Versace, Gucci, Louis Vouton, Guess, and of course Dolce & Gabana. Some of his belts cost more than my entire wardrobe. Personally I find him to be rather shallow and materialistic and I've always associated these name brands with those types of people. Yesterday when I bought glasses however, I couldn't find a single pair of quality glasses that actually looked decent on me. So now I'm wearing one of the products I absolutely despise. Woe is me. I guess the only good thing about getting these glasses was that I was able to get them pretty much for nothing since my mom knows the owners of the glass shop and my benefits at work cover most of it.

I'm feeling rather crappy today. If I was one of the seven dwarfs I'd either be Sleepy or Grumpy today. I go through a myriad of dwarf like symptoms each week: Sleepy; Grumpy; Dopey; Doc; Sneezy; Happy; and of course not-so-Bashful aka Slutty. When the end of the week comes I'll be Happy. I'm headed up north again this weekend for another camp trip. More fun in the sun. I'll be sure to put on plenty of sunscreen this weekend since I'm starting to look a little Cambodian-like. Not that there's anything wrong with being Cambodian. I just hate being mistaken for something I'm not. Yesterday I was mistaken for some ridiculously good looking male supermodel while walking down Dundas. I hate when that happens.

If anyone is an avid reader and is a fan of Douglas Coupland. He's got a new book out called "Hey, Nostradamus". I've read the opening chapter and some previews on it and it sounds to be similar in style to his book "Girlfriend in a Coma", which was an excellent book. Go out and pick up that book!!

For those of you who like looking at stars. There's a meteor shower happening tonight! Since it coincides with the full moon, the best time to view it is just before sunrise when the moon starts to disappear. Here's your chance at making tons of wishes.

Well it's almost lunch time...I think I'll be grabbing some grub soon. So long and keep on rocking the free world!

Last night just before nodding off...

SS - How are you?
Shaky - What did you just say?
SS - I said, "How are you?"
Shaky - Oh...I thought you said "I have to poo." I'm fine by the way. And if you've got to poo then you know where the bathroom is. Just don't mention it again.
SS - Mention what?
Shaky - The part about you pooing. You'll ruin my utopia.
SS - Huh? What utopia?
Shaky - Girls don't poo or fart in my utopic world.
SS - What? We don't poo or fart?
Shaky - You're doing it...
SS - Doing what???
Shaky - Ruining my utopia.
SS - Seriously, you don't think we poo or fart??
Shaky - Let us never speak of this again.
SS - What?...wait a minute. We have to talk!
Shaky - Good night!
SS - I hope you know I'm bringing this up again tomorrow.
Shaky - I don't know what you're talking about. Good night.
SS - You need counselling. Good night.

today's new track : The Carpenters - Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get Me Down

I'm in a miserable non-talkative place today.

And for all you people with the thousands of pictures of yourself on your webpage. Stop fooling yourself by telling me you're insecure! You're NOT. You're just looking for reassurance that it's ok to be that arrogant and self-centered. And if you want that sort of reassurance -- here it is. You're fuckin beautiful...............at least on the outside.

Wow. I feel much better now.

today's track : The Eagles - Hotel California

Does anyone know the difference between a concubine and a geisha? I need some clarification quick before I commit to buying one.

today's track : Ayla - Angelfalls

Someone once told me to never jump from a burning building into a sinking sink. I don't know what the heck he was talking about. In fact I don't know what he was smoking or else I might have asked him for some. If you're ever in a burning building and you see a sinking sink, their must be water below or possibly quick sand. Either one is better than burning to death so jump. Whenever you find yourself in a dire situation -- fight; run; hide; jump. The name of the game is survival. Endure as much bullshit as you can and then make a decision whether or not you're going to fight for your existence or whether you're going down with the ship. There is a love that's inherently given; love for yourself. Sometimes that love is selfish but sometimes it has to be. It's refreshing to see the beauty in yourself and knowing that it's worth saving. For that moment -- everyone else can go fuck themselves. Live your life for yourself and no one else.

today's track : Darude - Music

A quiet afternoon in the office today. I'm just sitting around and writing error-handling code for this database application I've been working on. Not exactly the most fun thing in the world but then again it's not exactly taxing on the brain. Just trying to test and figure out all the major errors that can occur when a user uses this application and then spit back a message to them informing them of the error then handling the error appropriately. Here's a list of some of my error messages...

"Dumbass, don't you follow instructions?"
"Did you really think you'd get away with that, you obviously underestimate me."
"You just broke this program and now I will have to break your will."
"I swear to god if I had hands I'd bitch slap you."

Two more hours to go before I head off for the long weekend. It looks like it's going to rain all weekend in Ontario. Quite miserable but I'll be at a cottage under a roof so it shouldn't be so bad. Hopefully I'll get to try out my new fishing gear. I spent about $200 on new fishing gear and I'm starting to feel a bit guilty about it. I better catch a big fish this weekend to justify the splurging. I've got a few sales tactics to try and get these fishies in the boat this weekend.

"Here fishy fishy, I think you should get in this boat!...I've got a big juicy can of worms for you!...Everyone who's anyone is up in here!...That fish named Wanda is my friend!"

If this fails I could probably go back to the hook, line, and sinker tactic.

I just contacted my dealer about getting some weed for the weekend...HAHAHA...my dealer...I like how that sounds. I've never smoked weed before but friend Stanathan was going to give me a joint to try. Too bad he's not going to be home before I leave for the cottage tonight. I guess I'll have to wait another weekend before I get high.

Have a great weekend everyone!

today's track : Sarah McLaughlan - Wait

Under a blackened sky; far beyond the glaring streetlights; sleeping on empty dreams; the vultures lie and wait...

Gigli. Who the hell wants to watch a movie called Gigli? And why the hell is the 2nd G silent? What is that movie even about? The trailer for it looks ridiculous. In fact, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez look ridiculous together. He's way too white for her and she's way too full of shit for him. I give them 1 year before Jennifer takes her gigli ass and high-tails it.

On another note, I saw a decent movie called Pumpkin the other day. It's one of those film festival movies. The movie itself was unpolished but there's something completely charming about movies like that -- maybe it's the humility factor (not humidity factor). I know I've said this before but I envy humility. None of the overrated action sequences, the choreographed fight scenes or the hollywood love story. The soundtrack for the movie is also excellent. There were a couple of remakes of several old 70s and 80s songs (without some black guy rapping over top) that I really liked. Emiliana Torrini did a great remake of the song "If you go away" by Marc Almond (I think). My uncle used to let me listen to these songs when I was about 4 or 5 years old. Another favourite of mine is "Seasons in the sun" by Terry Jacks.

So what movies do I really have to look forward to in the upcoming months? Kill Bill? Matrix Revolutions? Lord of the Rings? Those movies don't come out til around xmas time. The Film Festival is going to be on in September. I suppose I have that to look forward to. Wanda and Sidekick Sonia have already bought tickets and are going to accompany me to the film festival. Yay threesome! Don't worry...there's plenty of Shaky to go around :P

today's track : Emiliana Torrini - If You Go Away

Now Ted's gone :'( Bon voyage mes petit lapins...

today's track : Lamb - Gorecki

Bill's been missing for two days now...*sniff*...*sniff* :'(

today's track : The White Stripes - Fell In Love With A Girl

I think I pulled a back muscle while scrubbing my ass in the shower this morning. You know you're getting old when...

I guess it could have been worse. I could have pulled an ass muscle while scrubbing my back.

Before work this morning I checked up on the two baby bunnies. They look cozy in the rose bush -- either that or scared shitless. I decided to name them Ted and Bill because they'll have most excellent adventures in days to come.

Now if only my days were most excellent. The weekend can't come soon enough.

Where's that fast forward button when you need it.

today's track : Mae Moore - Bohemia

There's this rabbit that's always hanging around our house near our rose bushes. The other week I was driving to work and I saw a dead rabbit on the road. I thought it might have been the same one. It was a little sad to say the least. The other day I saw a rabbit on our lawn again and it brought a smile to my face. Today I came home and there were 3 baby rabbits in our rose bushes. That brought another smile to my face. I was outside looking at them for about half an hour today after work. Then I got to thinking about the dead one I saw the other week and how it might have been the partner of the one that's now taking care of the babies. Kinda reminds me of Nemo and how his mother got eaten by that barracuda. Always sad to see a parent die but it's amazing to see the other parent and the kids live on. Life goes on even after you experience the worst.

today's track : Saint Etienne - Hobart Paving

Ars longa, vita brevis...or so they say.

I wish I got paid for blogging. I'm waiting on the clinical manager to get organized so we can start this clinical database project. This gives me a little time to think up complete nonsense and share it with you...weeee.

----

Last night I had tea at Second Cup with Sidekick Sonia. We were discussing our plan to get rid of all the evil people in the world. We've aptly named this plan "extinction agenda". Had myself a cup of ice cappucino. They should aptly name this instant diarrhea because that's what it gives me. Though I will continue to drink it because it's so damn good.

Sidekick Sonia was looking for a new sidekick costume so I suggested she try on my baggy shorts. She refused. I think it was because that was the only thing besides my boxers I was wearing at the moment. We were also working on her superhero symbol. She wanted to have a big S for Sonia but I've already claimed the big S for Shaky. I suggested a picture of the mighty sheep though. She's thinking it over as we speak.

SS had some crazy dreams on Sunday night about beetles. I think she's been working too hard. Maybe I'll give her a vacation. I wonder if you could get a sidekick from the temp agency.

Shaky - "Hi, Kelly Services?"
Kelly - "Yes, how can I help you?"
Shaky - "I'm looking for a temporary sidekick."
Kelly - "A what?"
Shaky - "A sidekick. You know, like Robin or Tito Jackson."
Kelly - "Sorry, we don't have any sidekicks."
Shaky - "What do you have?"
Kelly - "We have secretaries and receptionists."
Shaky - "What sort of superpowers do they have?"
Kelly - "Um...they can type over 60 wpm."
Shaky - "Wow...that's pretty impressive but can they kill 60 villains per minute?"
Kelly - "No they can't."
Shaky - "I can."
Kelly - click.
Shaky - "Hello?...anyone there?...hey...whaaaa happened?"

--

Now hiring contract sidekick. Please state your sidekick name and your superpowers. We are an equal opportunity employer. Inquire within.

today's track : Bob Dylan - Knocking on Heaven's Door

I'm trying to revive the role of the the sidekick. Ever since Robin, there has been a steady decline in sidekicks. So without further ado, I introduce Sidekick Sonia. She has the ability to draw a 1 hour long meal out to 2 hours with her slow eating. She also stops villains from littering and encourages kids to protect the environment!

The adventures of Shaky and Sidekick Sonia started this weekend. Shaky and Sidekick Sonia went camping on the weekend and what an event that was. They got there and set up camp relatively quickly. They then decided to blow up a rubber boat so that they could sail out to the little island near the beach to see what the villains were planning. An hour and millions of dead brain cells later, Shaky had finally breathed life into the boat. They then proceeded down to the beach and hopped in the boat. Sidekick Sonia jumped in first -- no problems. Fatass Shaky jumped into the boat and causes a breach in the hull. Water started gushing in from every which way and they start sinking like the titanic. Thank goodness the water was only about knee high. Apparently Shaky's dad did an ass-poor patch job on the boat the last time it had a leak in it. They scrapped the boat idea and spent the rest of the afternoon lying on the beach. Shaky ended up getting a minor sunburn on his chest and legs while Sidekick Sonia (who is immune to the sun's radiation) remained her pasty white self.

Shaky and Sidekick Sonia spent the rest of the evening eating steak, salad, and watermelon. In between eating, Shaky and SS (SS from now on cuz I'm tired of typing it all out) had to fight off the crazy beetle colony that threatened to take over their campsite.

On Sunday Shaky and SS spent the day in the tent because it was raining. Shaky taught SS to play poker like the pros. (Cuz Shaky's a pro.) While they were playing poker in the tent, the evil Vietnamese fob gang were causing a ruckus in the campsite next door. It was a good thing it was raining or else Shaky and SS would have had to drop the hammer on them.

By afternoon the fabulous duo had decided to make their way back towards the city where their powers were needed most.

And so ended the first adventures of Shaky and Sidekick Sonia...til the next time.

Who put those daggers in your eyes?
Who rained all over your blue skies?
Who inflicted you with pain?
I cry for you once again

They cast a shadow on your soul.
They try to sell everything you own.
They sit and wait for your decay.
I cry for you once again.

Who took those diamonds from your dreams?
Who messed up all your crazy schemes?
Who left you there for vultures' prey?
I cry for you once again.

Where is the solace that you seek?
When no one else will hear your grief?
How could you lose all of your faith?
I cry for you once again.

today's track : UB40 - Red Red Wine

Ok guys, pay attention. This will score you major points that you could redeem for a free trip to her bedroom. Two words "arts" and "crafts". Girls dig this shit up. I'm serious. You get a box or jar of some sort. Decorate it with pretty wallpaper; cutesy stuff like hearts and flowers on it even. Then fill the box up with rose petals. Hide inside the box a homemade bracelet. If you can knit, you've got it made. Knit her a clubbing shirt or a thong. Seal the box with a kiss. I'm serious. Put on some lipstick and kiss the box so that you leave a kiss mark. Then give it to her and watch the surprised look on her face. I call this gift "instant score". Don't ever tell me I never give you guys anything.

today’s track : Avril Lavigne – Losing Grip

Not really an Avril Lavigne fan but this song’s got potential. It kinda reminds me of the Evanescence song Bring Me To Life.

Slow day at work so I figure I’d waste a bit of time blogging. It’s days like this that I wish I had access to msn messenger. I remember the days when I used to spend hours and hours just chatting with people on msn at work. I wonder how much wasted time msn is responsible for. Speaking of msn, the new msn 6.0 is the shiznit! Never have I been able to flip people off online with such gusto. I swear, if they started charging for msn now, Bill Gates would have me and half the world wrapped around his little finger.

The latest craze online these days is friendster.com. It’s sort of like asianavenue.com mixed with six degrees of Kevin Bacon. So all us mindless sheep are of course all over that like flies to shit…or sheep to grass. I think they eat grass don’t they? What the hell do sheep eat anyhow? I hear sheep are yummy.

I just got a lesson in using my office phone from the customer service rep here. Now I can answer phones like a customer service person too! Weeee doggy!

Back to talking about friendster. Pretty neat idea if you ask me. Best way to meet people is through friends. It’s also a bit easier to start up a conversation with a friend of a friend because you already have one thing in common. Hopefully this will encourage the socially inept people (like myself) to reach out and talk to someone. Let the games begin.

Wanda and I are going camping this weekend. It should be nice and relaxing. We’re also looking to get some weed from one of the guys and give that a first time try this weekend. A year ago I was totally against these types of substances and look at me now. I guess everything is worth at least one try. I’ll still be responsible about it but gone are the days of being a prude. It’s nice to just let go sometimes…

Having said that…I gotta let you all go and head off to an office bridal shower…

today's track : Thievery Corporation - Heaven's Going to Burn Your Eyes

A cloudy, rainy Saturday; days like this make me get all nostalgic and reminisce about the past.

Oh the past...how I long for thee...

Anyhow, enough of that.

I could go for a blizzard right now -- not the stormy weather kind; the frosty treat kind. Maybe I'll call up Wanda and see if she can be a dear and stop by the deary queen for me. Actually, she's at the art gallery right now with her sister. I would have went but, well...I hate going downtown and...this weather makes me lazy. Ok...it's not the weather, I'm just lazy.

Occasionally going downtown is nice but the past several weeks I've been downtown a lot. I was there thursday night at a restaurant in the Four Seasons Hotel called Studio Cafe enjoying a summerlicious dinner. Every year Toronto has this week-long summerlicious festival where all the nice restaurants offer set meals for $20-$30. I'm not a big fan of fancy schmancy dinners but if there was ever a good time to go, it would be during summerlicious. You don't have to pay outrageous prices for food that's more often than not overrated. Thursday however was one of those times where the food was actually good. This was our meal...

Appetizer : Summer Gazpacho Cucumber Cilantro Salsa
Main Course : Grilled Atlantic Salmon Sweet Corn Risotto with Arugula Pesto or Grilled BBQ Flank Steak and Spinach Salad Oven Roasted Tomatoes, Sour Cream and Chive Dressing
Dessert : Raspberry Sorbet with Lemon Biscotti

Quite scrumptious and the atmosphere was a lot more pleasant than the last time I went to one of these fancy restaurants. The waiters and servers were very pleasant and I didn't feel at all like the low-class citizen that I am. Wanda was of course great company and we had our usual wonderful conversation about one day owning a llama farm. It was probably the best 3 hour dinner I've had in my life. Next year I'm going to save up and go to several of these restaurants...hopefully with Wanda again. I highly recommend anyone who's up for the occasional fine dining to do so as well.

Anyhow, It's still cloudy and raining.

I'm still here and typing...

...when I should be out and maiming.

Bye.

today's track : Alanis Morrisette - Ironic

Things don't necessarily happen on your time, but they happen in time.

You know it's going to be a bad night at the club when the best looking girl is the one that frisked you at the door. However, DJ Seto put on another good set. Someone give this guy a permanent gig already!

today's track : coldplay - clocks



Shaky - Hey, you've got something on your chin.
Muffin - Shut up.
Shaky - No seriously, you've got something on your chin.
Muffin - FU
Shaky - Fine, don't believe me. You're the one who's walking around looking like a jackass.
Muffin - Have you looked in the mirror lately?
Shaky - FU!
Muffin - You might want to try some sunscreen too, asshole.
Shaky - Shut up.
Muffin - No you shut up!
Shaky - No you!

today’s track : Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Scar Tissue

The good citizens of suburbia mass producing artificial happiness...

today’s track : The Smiths – Last Night I Dreamt Somebody Loved Me

…no hope, no harm, just another false alarm…

My cubicle is sooo tiny. I can actually reach to my left and behind me and actually touch the walls. I’ve already put in a request to have my little pig pen enlarged somewhat. I’ve also made a request for another desk attachment and a bookshelf. For the love of dog, I can’t work in these conditions much longer!! I’m squeezing my stress relief ball right now. It’s in the shape of a heart not because I work for a cardiovascular medical device company but rather because I’m a heartbreaker. Just call me HBK – Heartbreaker Khiem. Actually, if you turn the heart upside down and squeeze it in a certain way, it looks like an ass. I guess you could also call me ASK – Ass Squeezer Khiem. I digress too much but viva Las Vegas anyhow…

today's track: REM - Losing My Religion

First of all I've got no religion to lose (sorry for the bad grammar). If you're talking about faith though, I lost that awhile ago. I'm just starting to regain it. It comes and goes with the cycles in my life. My friends and I have compared our lives to that of a SINE or COSINE curve. We all have periods of ups and downs and for the longest time I looked for a way to break out of that cycle and to avoid the downs. Recently I've realized that you can't avoid the downs, you just have to learn to deal with them better. I think I'm really starting to see the light.

What once was a hung head wallowing and self-loathing is now a chin starting to look up. The tide is turning and I'm riding this wave into shore . Duuuuude. Sweeeet.

Speaking of sweet -- last night we all watched as DJ Seto did his magic on the turntables at Cafe Havana. His set was absolutely solid. Just when I thought he was starting to wind down the night, he broke out his fresh new breakz remix of Clocks by Coldplay. Damn fresh! Seto's got crazy skills and a fine tuned ear for music and yet no one has signed him to a regular gig. I guess breakz, trance, and uk hard house aren't mainstream enough for today's ghetto fabulous youth. I've supported Seto since his beginnings when the only people who showed up to listen to him was a handful of good friends and I'll be there when he finally gets his big break. Don't worry Seto, we'll be seeing your name in the big bright lights one day. Til then, keep on rocking the free world.

today's track: OMD - If You Leave

I've convinced Wanda to work on a special handshake with me, just in case alien imposters are among us and try to pull the switch-a-roo. I don't want half human, half alien kids. Unless of course those aliens decide to seduce me in a Shannyn Sossamon or Jessica Alba body -- to which I will have no restraint whatsoever. If I give into my desires and forsake my morals, does that make me an amoral person or am I just a regular guy seizing the moment? There seems to be a fine line between existentialism and anarchy that I'd be treading on here.

Other thing I've been thinking about today -- fatal flaws. Some people have these flaws that make them very difficult to co-exist with. I call them "fatal" flaws because they inevitably lead to the unravelling of relationships around them. Whether that be romantic relationship, friendships, family ties, or just regular acquaintance relationships. I think my fatal flaw is my inability to deal with my own emotions, leading to passive aggression towards others. My ex's fatal flaw was a narcissistic fascination with her own emotions, ideas and development, stemming from the only child syndrome. (Do you smell that?...smells like a bridge burning...) As for Wanda, I haven't known her long enough to figure out whether she has one or not. Mostly likely she does. I just hope it doesn't affect our relationship.

today's track: tears for fears - Head Over Heels

...something happens and I'm head over heels. I never find out til I'm head over heels...

You can't afford to be innocent. Time's flying by and you have no clue what's out there. I'm asking you to walk with me, not to face it alone. Will you go with me? There's nowhere you can run to anymore.

I've posted this quote before...but it's so good I have to post it again...

"To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . ."

today's track: new order - regret

I just have a few comments on love and friendship today...

Love, like many things in life, doesn't always work out the way you expect it to. I've learned to live with that. Some people haven't. I also learned long ago that love makes no promises and sometimes hearts get broken. But rest assured that it's a vicious cycle and you'll be back in love before you know it. It's like a ball of clay -- at first it's abstract, mishapen. As you slowly mould it to an idea in your head you realize that it has potential to be something beautiful. Sometimes you don't like the direction, sometimes it doesn't turn out the way you planned or had in mind, sometimes you think you're done and someone pushes it off the table and shatters it into a thousand pieces. After starting over several times you eventually create something you're happy with and you cherish it because of all the hardwork that went into it.

As for friendships, they last as long as both sides feel important to each other. So ask yourself this the next time a friendship doesn't work out, "did I make the other person feel important; was I important to the other person; is this friendship important?" If any of those are no, then hopefully you can fix that before it's too late. Sometimes you catch it in time. Sometimes you don't. Whatever happens though, just remember -- life's too short for regrets.

today's track: moby - porcelain

As I laid in bed staring at the ceiling and listening to music, the door bell rang. I opened the door to find her standing there. She stood there with a smile on her face. A smile that could light a room but also one that's shown some wear from a long journey. Wanda left me just a short while ago and it seemed as though she was gone forever but she made her way back to me. I reached out to hug her and she hugged me back. "Is there any way I could stay in your arms?", she whispered in my ear. I squeezed her tighter and reply, "You never left me."

today's track : new order - turn my way

It's Stanathan's bday today and boy did we get him a doozy of a bday present. He's going to be sooo surprised!! Ok, maybe not. I doubt he'll even like the gifts. I know what would really surprise him though. Wrapped up poo from my ass. How surprised would a person be to open up their bday present and find human feces? Shit, I'd be surprised! (I sure hope no one remembers this blog next March 21st.)

Ohhh...speaking of gifts. I just ordered myself 2 books from chapters -- The Stranger by Albert Camus and Utopia by Thomas More! Can't wait to get them. I can add them to my growing list of books I intend on reading but have no time to read right now woohoo!

Now I'm preoccupied customizing my emoticons for MSN 6.0. I must go. This is too fun to miss.

Someone said toodles to me the other day...thank god it was a girl or else I would have had to call them gay. I'm not going to say toodles. I'm going to say BYE ASSHOLES! I'm in a good mood today.

today's track : aha - take on me

Shaky's Dinner
Cocktails - 2 Caesars, 2 White Wines
Appetizer - Escargot, Caesar Salad
Main Course - Fillet Mignon & Lobster
Dessert - Raspberry Mousse

Wanda's Dinner
Cocktails - Tap Water
Appetizer - Ritz Crackers
Main Course - Ravioli
Dessert - Jello

How's that for contrast...

today's track : the sundays - here's where the story ends

Company dinner happening in about an hour. It's interfering with my wing night but I suppose I can skip this week. After all, we're going to a big fancy restaurant with every meal starting at $30-40. I've already decided on the steak and lobster meal. So this is what it feels like to live the glamourous life. To be honest I'd rather be munching on my wings and drinking my red stripe. I'm a simpleton, sue me.

Wanda and I saw the Italian Job last night. Quite entertaining but the plot itself was rather thin. The movie basically felt like an hour and a half long car chase. Entertaining, yes. Oscar worthy, no. The Hulk will be out in a few days. From what I've heard through reviews, the movie is solid. I at first was a bit skeptical with the CGI looking a bit like Shrek on roids but still had some hope for it turning out well since Ang Lee was directing. I guess I'll be going to the movies again next week.

Just to warn you -- I'm in a rambling mood.

You know, I've never been very fond of my given name. Through the years I've heard countless number of people butcher it attempting to pronounce it. Some of the moments rather embarrassing and torturous. I guess it didn't help that my parents propogated a false pronunciation of my name so that people could have an easier time saying it. Now when people see the spelling of my name they get really confused because the pronunciation and the actual spelling doesn't match. Then I have to go through the whole explanation of how this retardedness started. I suppose a lot of people out there aren't too happy with their names. I would imagine I'd be a little annoyed if my name was something as common as "Jason" or "Jennifer" or "Anne". I've since grown quite fond of my nickname "Shaky". For one, it's not common. Secondly, it's got a "y" in it. I have a lot of respect for y's. y's, j's, p's, q's, and g's for that matter. Unlike the other letters in the alphabet, these letters don't conform. They stray BELOW the line and they don't give a damn. I've been pretty conforming all my life, I guess a part of me wishes it was a y instead of a k or an l.

Well...time to go...big night ahead of me.

Steak and lobster followed by a rendezvous with Wanda...

This is Shaky saying goodnight and so long.

OMG. Everyone left the office and activated the alarm and I just set it off!!! RUNNNNNNN!!!!

today's track : pet shop boys - being boring

(I came across a cache of old photos...)

I'm a pack rat -- always have been. I keep everything. I have boxes and boxes of "stuff" from the past. I even keep old emails. Today I went to an old hotmail account I used to use to store emails from an ex-gf. To my surprise, it was all gone. Apparently they delete your emails and deactivate your account if you don't use it for 30 days. Three+ years of emails all gone. Not to mention the naked pictures. I suppose I probably wouldn't have gotten much for those pictures anyhow. I swear I could rip off Bill Gates' eyelids right now.

Anyhow, yet another sign that it was time to move on...bury the past and hurry the future...

Had father's day din-din earlier this evening and saw something very appalling -- a girl stuffing her face with Vietnamese noodles. Not only was she stuffing her face but she was chewing with her mouth open. NASTY. Seriously, if you didn't see this girl eat you would have thought, "wow, she's cute!" After seeing her eat I was thinking, "wow, I'm going to puke." So now I've officially added that to the list of things that turn me off of a girl.

My ex-gf was a "quiet eater". She really liked to concentrate on the food she was eating. Conversations during dinner? -- not bloody likely. Honestly, I was starting to get jealous of her salad. The salad seemed to be getting more attention than I was. Then there's Wanda. She's the "thorough, slow eater". She likes to chew about 50 times before she actually swallows anything. And we were having soup that meal. If you don't talk to her, she might take an hour to eat a sandwich. If you want to have a conversation, that might set you back about 2 hours.

Both ate like horses and both had great etiquette. They ate with style and class. I like that.

And with that being said, I must go grab some grub.

P.S. Pigtails are all the rave. If you don't have pigtails, you aren't cool. You heard it here first.

today's track : the strokes - trying your luck
today's retarded link : wing sings

I really like the new blogger web publisher. It's really clean and fast. I guess we owe it all to google for this. To think all my friends gave up on blogger and went over to that gay blog site XANGA. All I can say is -- look who's laughing now FAT MAN!

The day is almost over. I was sort of paranoid that something would happen to me today. Then again the day isn't over yet so maybe I should still be paranoid.

Wanda called me this morning and told me she got "shingles". I was tempted to ask her if she needed help redoing the roof of her house, but the tone of her voice didn't sound like she was too excited about getting these shingles. Thank goodness I didn't say anything because she wasn't talking about the shingles you put on your roof but the rather the dormant viral kind you get if you've had the chicken pox when you were younger. Silly rabbit, shingles are for kids! Anyhow, poor Wanda and her shingles =( I don't believe it's contagious so maybe I'll hang out with her tonight to cheer her up.

Last night Wanda and I went to Chapters to find some books. That place sucks ass. They didn't even have Thomas More's "Utopia". WTF! Doesn't everyone and their cousin have that book? I thought I was the only one who didn't have it but apparently not. Toronto's largest book store doesn't have it either. At least not in the store I went to. I have to "order" it from them online. Ordering stuff online is definitely not my idea of utopia but I suppose it could be useful if I was handicapped and couldn't leave my house.

Anyone want to order anything from Chapters with me? If we order $40 or more, shipping is free!! I believe my book costs $5...hehe.

today's track : coldplay - yellow

It's raining outside but the sun is slowly trying to peer through the clouds. The scent of wet pavement is a refreshing change from the smell of humid smog that usually fills my nose as I drive to work with the windows down.

Every morning at this traffic light I see the same people crossing the street to get to their offices. I wonder what their lives are like. I think it'd be a nice change to be them for a day.

As I pull into the company parking lot I find a parking spot and slowly gather my bag and lunch. I enter the office and make my daily rounds of "good morning". My computer is still humming. I forgot to turn it off last night.

I log into my email and slowly read my personal emails first. You haven't written to me yet this morning but I still have an email from you yesterday. It makes me smile. How I wish the day would soon pass by so I could see you.

I wish I was there with you -- wherever you are. I'm not sure if you'd wish the same. I'm horrible at reading you. You're horrible at answering my questions. We're getting better though. I think we'll be ok. Don't you?

I officially declare today camel herding day. That's right, you HERD me! Sorry, that was unavoidable.

It's good to be me. I'm feeling quite marvelous about myself today.

It has always been about you but now it's all about me. I walk away from it all without looking back in anger. Another chapter in my life is complete. So long and thanks for all the fish.

Wake me up inside
Call my name and save me from the dark
Bid my blood to run
Before I come undone
Save me from the nothing I've become
Bring me to life.

Apparently Wanda wouldn't go out with me if I was in a boy band. I find that rather absurd. Ridiculously absurd in fact. I mean, what's wrong with being in a boy band? Why would you discriminate against someone who was in one? Sure it's not that cool anymore, but everyone's gotta make a living! I assure you there are worse professions out there. Besides, what about my radiant personality? Doesn't that make up for anything? I swear I will never understand women. One minute they're screaming for boy bands. The next minute they're hating them.

I took down the last bits and pieces of what once was a beautiful foundation and now I'm ready to build a new one. Rome wasn't built in a day, neither are relationships. Both are magnificent when they're done.

The topic of losing one's virginity I realize is very awkward for most people to talk about. Maybe I should talk about when I first lost mine to ease into the subject. I lost mine back in highschool when I was dating this obese girl named Sharon. On second thought, I don't think we'll be rehashing any of these memories today.

The irresponsible me sees sex as something fun, casual and not filled with pointless emotional attachment. The sensible me sees sex as something pretty beautiful, shared between two people who have a strong affinity towards each other. I'm hesitant to call that sort of affinity "love" simply because sometimes people group love and sex together blindly. I honestly don't believe the 17 year old me knew what love was but I was convinced we were having sex because of it. The world is naïve and I'm no different.

So the question is, when do you know it's the right time? I know right now would be good. I'll just clear my desk here and make a few phone calls.

Looking for love in all the wrong places.

So monday I was sitting next to our new clinical regulations manager and helping her setup her new laptop and her email. While waiting for the laptop to finish installing and rebooting I looked down and saw that my fly was open. Instead of waiting or excusing myself to go to the bathroom to zip it up, I zipped it up right there and then. I guess I wasn't thinking but thank god she didn't say anything, I would have been a little embarrassed.

On tuesday I was sitting in the marketing manager's office showing her some of the new reports I created for her in her customer database and I noticed this magnet sticking to her filing cabinet. It read, "Do one thing every day that scares you." Quite inspirational. So I went home, called around, and before you know it I made a commitment to a relationship. Quite scary. Now I'm almost guaranteed of being scared everyday. Of course I'm just being facetious.

Tomorrow's scary thing to do -- running with scissors.

There's a striking similarity between having SARS and relationships. The only
difference is that with SARS you're only quarantined for 10 days. Both however are life-threatening.

Read a good joke the other day...

"How many kids with A.D.D. does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"Hey, wanna go bike riding?"

In retrospect, that joke is probably better told in person...

So I've got 2 more hours before I head home and prepare for my date with Mr. Buffalo Wing tonight. I swear, if I was a singer or a movie star, I would have a stipulation in my contract that would ensure that my dressing room always has a fresh hot batch of wings. No wings, no work.

Speaking of work, I should get back and do some...

Wanda - Please just listen. I know why you're here, Jake. I know what you've been doing, why you hardly sleep, why you live alone, and why night after night, you sit by your computer. You're looking for her. I know because I was once looking for the same thing. And when she found me, she told me I wasn't really looking for her. I was looking for an answer. It's the question that drives us. It's the question that brought you here. You know the question, just as I did.
Jake - When will I be happy?
Wanda - The answer is out there, Jake, and it's looking for you, and it will find you if you want it to.

So...(awkward silence)...

I know I've been neglecting this. I don't have any excuses. I am a bad, bad man. Spank me. Spank me hard.

The month has been busy to say the least. I've been working 6 days a week; trying to get over the ex; trying to re-establish a social life; and catching up on reading. It's been quite taxing on my mentality. I'm surviving though and I'm starting to see the light. Could this be the end of the storm? I sure hope so.

So here's the new company I'm working for --> www.sjm.com. They make pacemakers, defibrillators, and heart valves. Ironic that after I got my heart broken, I got a job with a company that fixes hearts. Maybe this is a sign of things to come. So I'm handling IT support and database development for their sales division here in Mississauga. It's been great so far. My co-workers and boss are super nice. I've been able to stay busy and learn quite a bit.

So that's the update for now. I will try and post more often (I know I've said that before). Really.

Here today. Forgot tomorrow. Someone tell me why -- why it has to be like that.

OH BABY...ADVANCE SCREENING OF THE MATRIX HERE SHAKY COMES!!!

OMG this week has gone by fast. I guess when you're not rolling out of bed at noon and sitting on your ass twiddling your thumbs for hours on end the days fly by! So I've been part of the real world for a week now. I guess I'm suppose to start planning for the future. What exactly the future means, is somewhat vague. I just recently broke up with a girl I thought I was going to marry. I don't live on my own. I don't own a car. My life consists of a few basic needs: sports; water; food; sleep; and friends. I really don't see where this is all going. Just like this blog, my life is just a scattered bunch of pieces that don't exactly fit anywhere. Why that doesn't scare or bother me, I really don't know.

So what am I looking forward to this weekend? I'm looking forward to playing basketball and rollerhockey on saturday. God my life is so lame. I swear to god it could all end today and the world wouldn't miss a beat.

So now that I'm a working man, I'm too good for this blog. Really, I'm way cooler than this blog. I swear, on a scale of one to awesome I'm super great. This blog is living in my shadow. Then again, everyone lives in my shadow. Shaky's shadow encompasses all! I'm feeling a bit obnoxious and narcissistic tonight and why shouldn't I? I'm fuckin cool and you know it! If you could capture the cool coming off my body, you'd be able to make popsicles. God, sometimes it perplexes me how ridiculously fabulous I am. I declare today national Shaky day!

ode to dolores

I'm not going out tonight
'cos I don't want to go.

Oh, all the promises we made
All the meaningless and empty words.
Maybe we should burn the house down,
Have ourselves another fight.

If you, if you could get by, trying not to lie
Things wouldn't be so confused and I wouldn't feel so used.
Do you have to let it linger?

I've always put my cards upon the table.
Let it never be said that I'd be unstable.

I'm not ready for this,
Though I thought I would be.
And then I open up and see the person falling here is me,
A different way to be.

If you, if you could return, don't let it burn, don't let it fade
Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you?
Oh, I thought the world of you,
I thought nothing could go wrong
But I was wrong. I was wrong.

And in the night, I could be helpless,
I could be lonely, sleeping without you.
And in the day, everything's complex
There's nothing simple, when I'm not around you.

I try to remain.
I'm trying not to go insane.

I'm still remembering the time
You said you'd be mine.
Yesterday was cold and bare,
Because you were not there.

Understand the things I say, don't turn away from me,
'Cause I've spent half my life out there, you wouldn't disagree.
Understand what I've become, it wasn't my design
You took my thoughts from me
Now I want nothing more.

And the thing that makes me mad
Is the one thing that I had.

I knew, I knew
I'd lose you.
There's no need to argue.
No need to argue anymore.

There's no need to argue anymore
I gave all I could, but it left me so sore.

And the thing that gets to me
Is you'll never really see,
And the thing that freaks me out
Is I'll always be in doubt.

Do you remember
The things we used to say?
I feel so nervous
When I think of yesterday.

I wanted to be so perfect you see,
I wanted to be so perfect .